Monday, January 04, 2010


We are really feeling prayers from family and friends (and those who are just praying for us without even knowing us). THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

Thank you for caring and for coming to my blog to check in on us.

This morning I woke up and didn't have some crazy dream to shake from my mind for the first time. No babies crying, no biological grandparents of our children chasing us, no having to give future babies back- all of which dreams have haunted me the last few nights.

I struggled today with thoughts of regret or things I wanted to say...hmmm...we all know how those thoughts come to your mind of what you would have said...yeah.....those things really should remain unsaid. :)

While staying with Daniel's parents, his mom offered to wash the dirty baby clothes since I just wasn't able to deal with those right now. I was so glad she did- so very glad. It's all a process and seeing the baby things that Jeremiah used or wore really sets me back. I know I will have to deal with the baby things eventually, but right now I just can't.

As far as the future:
We are not giving up on adoption.
We are not giving up on the Lord and His grace, mercy, and love.
We are not giving up on each other, but clinging to each other like never before.

I'm so grateful to have a fabulously amazing husband to stand beside me through all this and struggle through this with me. Daniel has not been overwhelmed by my tears, or questions, or frustrations, but has let me, in my own time, process things. The emotions have come in waves for both of us.

We are also grateful for a church family who is allowing us to take some much needed time to grieve and heal. Sunday they called and prayed for us over the phone. I am so glad we have had so much prayer support otherwise we would be in a very very different place right now. Giving all the glory to God for our strength!!!


Sunny said...

So glad you are hanging on and so glad you are sleeping more peacefully. My heart breaks for you both, and I have prayed for you alot. Will continue to. Glad you aren't giving up on adoption either. :)

Missy said...

I have been thinking about y'all alot lately. Just know that I am praying for you and Daniel!

Jennifer said...

Remembering you both today. Praying for you every time you cross my mind.

Britin said...

you and Daniel are always on our mind..thank you for sharing your two are true faithful followers even in rough times and an inspiration to me.

Chas said...

You've been through so much in such a short period of time. I think of you both often; our church will continue to pray for you in the coming weeks.

jacklyn said...

I know you don't know me, but you have been on my heart and mind! Sp sorry for your loss.

a wandering heart said...

Keeping you guys in my thoughts and prayers!