Monday, March 01, 2010

Two months ago today= Worst day of my life.

Part 1

Last month on Feb. 1st I had a really hard time not thinking about and lingering on the fact that one month ago we had to drop our baby boy Jeremiah Cole off at the lawyers office because the birthmom had changed her mind.

January was a very hard month to get through, February marked a point when I was actually feeling like I could see the light of day again. The fact that we've moved from TN (where the buttercups are already blooming), to Indiana (where everything is snow covered) made me feel like winter was never going to end both in my real world and in my emotional state.

For a week we were hearing about birthmoms left and right. I was so confused and didn't know how to tell which one was the right one and which one was the one that God was going to use to give us a child. Last weekend it was down to two. One is Missouri who was due Feb. 17 and one in Indiana who was due Feb. 20th. The one due Feb. 20th had been matched with us by the agency. She wanted a closed adoption and didn't even want to look at profiles.

Last Sunday February 21st I wad done with adoption. I was emotionally drained and was looking at my life as good except for the adoption factor. Life was good. Indiana was good. Daniel and I were good. GracePoint was good- amazing actually. But adoption was making my entire life jaded and miserable. I told Courtney our consultant that I was fed up. She encouraged me that we were almost to the end. I really felt like I couldn't take one more day.

Then we got the phone call that our son was born that very night.

To be continued...
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4


Linda said...

Like most other mothers, you will experience the "amnesia" effect...the minute by minute joys you "store up" in your heart will crowd out those painful memories and you will remember them no more...until the next time you go through the struggle to bring a child into your family. It's just part of the design God gave us "Moms"! First the pain, then later the amnesia. It has to be this way or we wouldn't keep doing what we do. The adage rings true in this case as well,"No pain, no gain". It's the pain that makes the joyful end result oh, so much sweeter!

Chas said...

Wow! If he was born 2/21, he and I share a birthday! How cool is that!!! Congratulations to you both!