Live as wise

I've been reading as a devotional Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. It is perfect for this season of my life. Such great depth and very thought provoking, but it doesn't take all day. WE have moments around here, barely seconds not hours on end. It's just not that season with a 3 year old and a 6 week old.

Each day there is a devotion and then a couple of verses to look up.
Some days I barely get to the verses, some days I keep reading, and some days I get so distracted by my iphone that I don't get the gist of what's being spoken to me.

But yesterday was different. The word was clear to me. I needed to take it and run w/ it. I needed to let it simmer. I needed to make some changes in my life because I had been in the Word that day.

Here's what I read- Ephesians 5:15 "Be very careful, then how you live- not as unwise, but as wise,"

Hmmmm. Am I just living life letting it happen to me and picking up what's left the best I can or am I living wisely? Am I being careful about the commitments I make and the company I keep? Am I living a life that is pleasing to the Lord and honoring to Him? Am I setting a good example for my boys? Am I being wise or just wastefully walking the path set before me?

One week from today we are moving. Life is crazy right now. We are definitely in a time of transition, but I feel like what better time to start paying attention. To not just let life happen to us, but to make wise choices moving forward.

I'm typing this as my house is a total disaster and we have a house showing tomorrow. So perfection will not be attained right here right now, but wisdom. To me that's different. Possibly even attainable. Hmmm. Still pondering this. I love it when the Lord plants a little seed and you want to cultivate it and learn more. I am eager to search His word and find more and more on wisdom. This could prove to be a daunting challenge, I'm just so thankful that my walk with the Lord is real and personal and that He speaks to me through His Word.

Three Years Apart

They will always be three years apart. These boys of mine. Three years. Manny turns 3 today. How is that even possible? He is such a kindhearted sweet little fella. He brings so much joy to our family and was one of the main reasons that Oakley's birthmom picked our family so that her son could have a big brother to look up to.

Three years.

Three years ago we were grieving the loss of the child we thought would be ours forever, but were only allowed to keep for a few days. The call we got when Manny was born was such a thrill.
We found out late in the afternoon, it was a Sunday. It was snowy. We found out that he was only 45 minutes away in the hospital, but we weren't welcome yet since his birthmother wasn't ready to meet us. We met him when he was 3 days old. {Sometimes birthdays are hard for adoptive moms since a lot of us miss the actual birth. Sometimes that has to be grieved as well.}

Forever and always Manny's birthday will come a week after Valentine's Day. And 23 days after his little brother's birthday. And right around President's Day weekend. I always hope that no matter where we are or what's going on the Manny feels loved and cherished every.single.day, but especially on his birthday!

Lately he's been going around saying, "I'm a Rockstar!" You are so right Manny, you are a rockstar! You are an amazing little guy who sometimes looks for Jesus under your shirt because we sing songs about Jesus being in your heart. You are growing so big and so tall. You are so handsome and we have committed to your "twists" aka dreads for your hair. I love love love them and think they totally fit your personality.

We went to a store the other day and you started a conversation with the guy selling shoes. You told him you were wearing your, "Tennessee Tennis Shoes." I'm pretty sure you could have sold him a pair of shoes the way you were being so chatty with him. You have a gift, my sweet child, you make people happy, you make strangers smile. You are not shy and want to know EVERYONE'S names. More times than not you will remember their names and usually their entire name at that. I am so glad that God choose you to be the child who first called me Mommy. And I love it when you pray, even when you pray for pets and people then roar like a lion right before you say A-men. You are a treasure. You are truly a gift from God. I pray you will fall in love with Jesus and that he will use you in mighty ways. May you never ever forget your name: Emmanuel means God is with us. God is with you wherever you go and whatever you do.

Moving Right Along

Our birthmom has a tentative appointment. We are not 100% that this is the actual C-Section date or not, but it might possibly be. Feb 1st, 2013. THAT'S 10 DAYS FROM TODAY! Yahooooo!

I texted with our birthmom yesterday and she said that she can't wait to give us our baby. Hopefully we can meet her the night before maybe. As of now she wants us to be there with her in the hospital.

We talked about how we make a good team she and I, both mothering this child.

I told C, our birthmom, that {at an adoption meeting at our new church} I told a lady that we were expecting a baby within a few weeks. The lady responded that I don't even look pregnant. hahaha. C said yes- we make a good team. She gets fat and I get to have all the sleepless nights soon. She is so funny.

We are living by faith. That is my current response to all the questions lately. That we are going through lots of transition and that we don't have lots of answers. We know that God is with us and that we are going to be ok no matter what happens. We are majorly aware that this world is not our home lately and we want so badly to honor God no matter the season we are in.

Update

No answers about travel time yet, but I texted w/ our birthmom today and she is very positive about moving forward and said she is very excited for us. She said she is feeling good and we talked about how she is less than one month from her due date!!!! Ahhhh!

Keep Calm and Adopt

I saw this on Pinterest today and immediately thought: That's an oxymoron. 

ox·y·mo·ron  

Noun A figure of speech in which apparently contradictory terms appear in conjunction (e.g.,faith unfaithful kept him falsely true). Today has been an interesting day as far as adoption occurs. The birthmom we are matched with is due in one month. We have no definite plans, no travel plans, no C-section plans and today I began to freak out. I have been told that she could have a C-section up to two weeks before her due date. That would be IN TWO WEEKS!!!! When we came home from visiting family for Christmas I got out the bassinet and all the baby things. I just needed to be prepared I think. And at that point I was pretty calm. But this doesn't just affect us....we are also making arrangements for a place for Manny to stay while we travel to the agency (out of state) to get our baby and to wait for the ICPC (paperwork) which could take 2 weeks. I have the soon to be grandparents calling/texting and asking what the plans are. I have my husband asking when the birthmom's plane tickets are going to be purchased. And today I didn't have any answers for anyone. I texted back and forth with my contact at the agency and they don't have answers either. Which led to a near panic attack. What if she goes into labor before she travels to the agency (where I perceive her being safe and well taken care of; where she knows the caseworker and has a support system...) What if we get there and it's like last time. What if we get there and she changes her mind. What if. What if. What if. By this time I was in tears. Like the I can't breathe kind of cry. Where the ache of the past creeps in and waves of terror wash over you. The amazing birthmom we are matched with has not shown any signs of changing her mind...but neither did the last one. I called our consultant, no answer. I called my BFF who has adopted twice before, no answer. I called my husband. He answered. (He was out of town on business.) Although he could barely understand me at first he calmly replied that we were gonna be ok. Of course we would never want to walk the road that we had walked 3 years ago, but whatever we face we know we can make it through one step at a time. I backed away from the cliff of dispair and began to trust the Lord. At that moment I couldn't accept the big picture, I was just afraid of the pain of loss all over again. The day carried on with tons of distractions and busy moments. And then I was able to stop and have my quiet time. Do you know the sweetness of the Lord? Here is the verse from my quiet time today: Deuteronomy 31:6 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Terrified- that was the exact term that resonated in my being just hours before. But the Lord knew that I needed to hear from him to not be afraid. A reminder that He is with me. NO MATTER WHAT THE OUTCOME IS. Whew. Maybe now we can move forward. Not with any new answers to our questions or plans. But with a calmness only the Redeemer can bring. Keep Calm and Adopt. It will be worth it in the end.

Happy Birthday to MEEEEE

This year on my birthday something spectacular happened. I got to talk on the phone with a birthmom who we are matched with. I was so nervous, but she is very outgoing and is so excited to be matched with us. She is giving me the greatest birthday gift ever so I was excited to talk to her and tell her that.


We talked about Manny and what a good big brother he's going to be. I told her about Daniel and what a good man he is and how he's so excited. I even had Amanda our favorite babysitter ever come over and hang out with Manny downstairs because Daniel was still at work and I wanted her to be able to hear me. :)


After talking to her I just couldn't stop thinking about her and praying for her. Thinking about being matched with her makes me smile. She seems so kind and calm. I think we are a good fit. She said she can't raise another baby and I told her I couldn't give birth to a baby, but she could give birth and I could raise the baby.

It all went so well. It's hard for me to not compare. We were matched with baby Jeremiah #1 exactly 3 years ago at Christmas time. I would talk to his birthmom on the phone. It didn't go well. She made other plans. There are fears deep down inside of me that are screaming that this isn't going to work. If I'm being completely honest at times I would rather not let her into my life; it would be safer that way. But I want to love on her and to encourage her. She is blessing me with something I can't have on my own. She is a Christian and I want her to know that she will be loved and honored by our family.

Her 2 questions for me were- How do I feel about college education and how would I feel about being in the delivery room with her. Sometimes I have to pinch myself. I just got the best birthday gift of my life. I just keep thinking how sweet it was of God to align our paths on my very birthday. Something I will cherish for the rest of my life.

Mommy in Waiting

Anyone read Lady in Waiting growing up? Waiting for your future mate and wanting to be who God wants you to be. Soaking up the season you are in, yet waiting for the next one.

Yeah- all that, but towards adoption. Waiting. Longing. Hoping. Praying. Saving.

As far as saving goes- we are very very close to reaching our goal. We had family members give and we are within $4,000 of our goal. WE ARE SO GRATEFUL!!!