Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Crazy Emotions

Lately I've had a whole gamut of emotions. It has scaled from sadness to loneliness, to fear, to joy, to bland nothingness. This has been the strangest time. I can't even begin to explain it.

After talking to my best friend yesterday and her telling me I'm normal, I feel so much better. Such a blessing to just be able to talk and get it all out. :)

The last MAJOR change in our home was 10 years ago when Daniel and I got married. We've moved and had transitions, but we as a family unit, haven't had to change in 10 years. (Then this past year we have had as it seems 101 transitions all in one year.) Honestly we've gotten into a pretty good routine. A routine of randomness none the less, but we don't fight much and know how to work through conflict. It's actually pretty wonderful, and I had forgotten the work we had to put in at the beginning to get to this point. Add child and now we are experiencing a major transition. Enter child after a huge roller coaster of emotion and a little more than one month after our darkest hours my emotions are having a hard time settling in.

So crazy to think about this being the end result....that we've waited so long for (6 years since we started trying to have a baby.) And now I'm not just over ecstatic with constant joy...so I'm getting worried...I honestly think I should just give myself a break. After my emotions have been swinging so swiftly from highs to lows it might take a little while for this to all settle out. To figure out the new normal.

I wanted to write this down, #1- to get it out, #2- to share with others that maybe just maybe when you finally get what you've waited so so long for you might not have the emotions you thought you would. (I don't want that to sound bad, just honest. I LOVE Manny and being a mom, but there is definitely a transition period of figuring out how to make this new life work....and it's not bliss ALL THE TIME.) *I keep thinking it's just like marriage- it's been awhile for me, but I remember having certain expectations that were unmet. Some things were way better than I expected and some things were way harder than I expected. Same with parenting. Same exact thing.


Glenna Marshall said...

You're right on schedule for the post-adoption baby blues. This is TOTALLY normal. You're tired because you have an infant, you're overwhelmed with emotions you cannot even put a name to, you're relieved the roller coaster of adoption is over as far as things being finalized, you're tired of processing emotions. I felt exactly how you feel right about the time Isaiah hit 2-3 months. Totally and completely normal. Definitely give yourself a break from analyzing the emotions.

I'm so glad finalization went off without a hitch!

Amanda said...

I think part of it too is the fact that when you become a mother, there is a MAJOR dying to self. Even if you really, really, really wanted to be a mom, the process is hard. You are so normal and I know you're a great mom!

Jennifer said...

Baby Blues. I have been there. Good for you for getting it out. You're normal! A baby is a HUGE life change. Along with huge life changes come huge amounts of conflicting emotions.
Congrats again on making it official!!

Mommy to those Special Ks said...

Emily, it's been the SAME way with me and Kellsey... we've been on a roller coaster! If you ever need to talk, I'm here for you any time! (And my word verification thingy is "summood" get it? Some mood? hahaha)

Gretchen said...