We are waiting.
In my head I had dates that I just knew we would have our baby home by.
1st it was by a date this summer when we were already planning a trip to TN.
Then it was by the end of the summer.
Then by Daniel's birthday (today).
My next hopeful date is by the time Deborah comes to visit mid October.
These milestones do nothing but drive me crazy. It's such a strange mix of hope and anticipation coupled with worry and stress.
I am prepared to leave at a moments notice to go get our baby, but I'm also having to prepare myself to not see a new baby in our family for quite a long time.
I do better when I'm super busy. But this week we haven't had a lot going on. So I sit here thinking about all the things I have packed are white or blue, what if it's a girl? The weather is getting cooler in our area---do I need to pack more warm clothes? Will the birthmom like the items I have chosen for her as a tiny little gift?
The common question I keep contemplating is will this all turn out like last time? Will we have lots of failed matches, will we have a failed adoption, will it go smoothly, will it be different? When will we share our baby's name? We have one picked out and it is PRECIOUS to us. (I mean come on who thinks they are picking out a bad name on purpose?) We have been praying by name for our child for a month or so. Last time we had a name picked out and we shared w/ people about baby Jeremiah then we weren't matched with that baby anymore and we wanted to keep that name. It was so confusing....baby Jeremiah #1, baby Jeremiah #2. Ugh. Can I wait till finalization to share our name with people? Probably not.
We are waiting. Some days I wait easily with comfort that God is in control and that He knows best when a baby should enter our lives. Some days I don't wait easily and am anxious and nervous about what is to come. Thankful that God can take it, the good and the bad, and make it beautiful. I am not deceived. I know God is at work. I know He will reveal to us at the right time what the plans are. I know we are not done yet. We are waiting.